Celebrating Screams

With Mother's Day fast approaching this weekend, I've found that I'm reflecting a lot on something that's been affecting me lately as a mom, something childless me always swore wouldn't. 

But I have to start by being honest about something I'm not very proud of: before having the twins, I wore the ultimate bitch-face out in public. That's right, the one you saw staring at you disdainfully when your child yelled, or spilled something, or pulled down a rack of toys from a shelf. You're in Walmart and your leash-wearing toddler still manages to wreak havoc? Or your normally well-behaved daughter asks for a treat and cries when you say no? That old version of me was more than happy to shoot you the most scornful expression and make you feel like melting into the floor. 

But now with my children having approached an age where they're really using their voices for expression, Olivia has taken to screaming in stores. It's not all the time, and it's not in an angry way, she's just learning to communicate and at this point loud screams or exhalations are the only way she knows how. But I have to say, it really gets under my skin. I've been working on teaching them baby sign language (which they love, by the way!) But they aren't yet at a point where they're able to sign back. And so, Olivia makes noise. Other shoppers never seem to mind... they laugh, or say hello, but at times I feel this burning anger and embarrassment, like the vocal expressions of my under-one-year-old are some sort of reflection of my capabilities. Of course it's nothing to feel ashamed about, but having spent more than one occasion raising an eyebrow at a struggling mom, I find that that same nasty voice is now critical of me, too. Well deserved, I suppose. 

So last night laying in bed after the girls had gone to sleep, my annoyance boiled over and I asked my husband why Olivia felt the need to scream all the time. "It pierces my eardrums!" I said. "Sometimes I feel like I'm going to go crazy."

And Shawn, ever the accepting father, shrugged, and replied: "She's just more vocal."

It was an epiphany! I realized he was right. Olivia screams because she's more vocal. She has things to say! And isn't that a great thing for a girl? Maybe she will grow up to be fiercely opinionated, an excellent debater. Perhaps she will be a politician! Or maybe she has a story to tell, and like her mother she will speak and sing and write ones of her own. Her attempts at communication should be nothing short of celebrated, as an exciting new trait of her blossoming personality. So many girls and women are scared of voicing their opinions... the last thing I should do is make my child feel guilty for being bold enough to speak up. 

So the next time I hear a baby screaming in the grocery store, I won't wince, or cover my ears, or prepare a glare. Instead, I'll look around, seek out the eyes of the mother, and smile. After all, she's got a talker too. And that makes us pretty damn lucky. We're hard enough on ourselves as it is, the last thing any mom needs is a frown that implies she's doing a bad job; I for one have removed that face from my list of expressions, and I think everyone else should too. Condescension is for suckers. 

So (though it really should be Mother's Week) Happy early Mother's Day to all you kickass mama's out there! And to the pregnant ladies as well... carrying a baby is a feat in and of itself. Shouldn't you get a day too?

Ps: some pictures from today of my girls and their crazy hair doing what they do best, aka being little hams. 
xx