Whenever I read some sort of New Years post during the last
week of December, it seems that the writer is always talking about what they
want to IMPROVE for the coming year. Things like keeping up a gym routine (or
actually starting one), eating well (or better), or having more fun at work (as
though that’s actually possible…)
And I get that. People like the positivity. But I’m not going
to say that shit, because to me that’s all it is; if there’s anything 2013
taught me it’s that you can never be prepared for what’s going to happen (good
luck keeping up that gym routine when you break your leg..) The reality is you
probably won’t accomplish most of what you aim for, and that’s okay; the best
you can do is turn that optimism to the unknown the New Year will inevitably
throw at you.
For me, this last year was chaotic, to say the least. I started
off by finding out I was pregnant with identical twins, something that hadn’t
been in my plan for years, if ever. I had 20 weeks of morning sickness that
carried over to the day I got married. And on that topic, I had the worst
wedding, on the coldest day, during which I cried twice, threw up three times,
and wished it was over more often than I can count. I had a honeymoon which I
spent mostly in bed (asleep) or clutching the toilet bowl instead of my new
husband. I had an incredibly painful pregnancy due to two babies fighting for
room in my womb, and I lived in an under-construction hospital for nearly a
month. I had an unplanned emergency caesarean section which has left me with
still frequent pain, and an abdomen I can’t feel. I underwent the most torturous,
indescribable heartbreak when I had to come home without my babies. I spent 100
terrible days in the NICU, genuinely convinced they would never let me take my
girls home. I passed too many days by wrapped in blankets, never wanting to
ever get up again. 2013 was also the year that, regardless of temperature and pregnancy hormones, I got to marry my best friend; walking down the aisle and staring into his eyes on stage is a memory I will treasure forever. This was the year I found out I was carrying identical twins, something I’d hoped for and dreamed of since I was little. My baby bump made me feel like a goddess, more beautiful than I ever have before (or probably ever will again). Lots of relaxing and involuntary hospital bed rest meant I was able to read 17 amazing novels that I’d been eyeing but skipping for years. My C-section, recovery, and NICU experience pushed my limits, and gave me an incredible challenge that I chose to tackle with hungry enthusiasm; I will be forever thankful for that, because it forced me to recall a powerful inner strength and elect optimism over sadness and defeat. And, this was also the year that I was finally gifted with my two beautiful, wonderful, precious daughters, who make every minute of my life better simply by existing. They have injected such a glorious colour into what I see now was once simply grey, and for the first time I feel like I have found who I was meant to be and meant to do, not just as a mom but as myself.
2013 may have been the hardest year, but it was also easily the BEST YEAR OF MY LIFE! And I would never take back a moment of it.
So, the way I see it, 2014 can throw whatever shit at me it’s in the mood for… what will come will come and I will face it when it does.
