New Years Resolutions

I’ve always been someone who is really cliché about New Years. When I was younger, my best friend Autumn and I would write out all of our resolutions (which usually included things like “get a boyfriend” and “don’t get fat”… we were deep.) On pretty paper with colourful gel pens, and then wrap them in several layers of tissue and sometimes her mom’s tea towels before shoving them into big freezer bags. We were trying to protect them see, because just before midnight we’d head out into her backyard, dig up the previous year’s resolutions that were buried in the garden, and put our new ones in their place. Then, over drinks of apple juice and gingerale (that we’d pour into wine glasses and pretend was champagne) we’d read our previous resolutions and laugh like crazy.
Usually what we’d written down was immature, inane, and hadn’t been accomplished, but it never deterred us from writing more; we got an incredible amount of enjoyment from at least trying to set goals (however ridiculous) for our year ahead.

So as 2013 approaches, I find myself wondering what I’ll try to resolve upon this year, and how I can achieve it. And while I’ve been thinking about it for a couple weeks, it didn’t really occur to me until last night when my fiancé pulled up a picture on his phone of a guy falling in the shower. Random, I know, but he sometimes sees these things on his Facebook homepage, and last night this one struck him as particularly hilarious. “Look at him!!!” He wheezed, his voice lost between sickness and laughter. “What must be going through his head??” I glanced at the picture, and to be honest, I didn’t find it too hilarious. It was just a man in the shower, legs in the air, one wrapped in the shower curtain that he clutched desperately with his fingers, seconds away from landing on his ass in the most painful place. But, a couple months ago, my fiancé had fallen in the shower due to having to balance on just one foot, and while at the time it was incredibly painful for him, now seeing this man in a similar predicament struck some sort of recognition; the more he looked at it the more he laughed, until he could barely speak and was hunched over shaking with hilarity.

And the more he laughed, the more hilarious I found it to be, and before I knew it we were both collapsed on the family room floor cackling like hyenas with tears streaming down our faces.

This is a relatively common occurrence in our day to day life. I’ve dated some funny guys, to be sure, and some who made me laugh on a regular basis, but never have I been with someone like my fiancé who makes me absolutely hysterical, with that bust-a-gut, cramping, giggle till you can’t breathe laughter. I’ve only had this connection with a few people in my life, and these are people I’d consider my best friends; I’m naturally a very bubbly, happy, easily-amused person, but to really make me laugh like that you have to be able to reach me at my core. My fiancé is one of these people. He’s my best friend, through and through, in a way that none of my previous partners ever have been. I can be my complete self around him (which is often an embarrassing idiot) and he always joins in without a second thought. We do the most ridiculous things together, and find them absolutely hilarious… being together, we’re never bored or sick of each other.

But this past year has been really rough on us. From our disastrous move to Surrey, to our awful townhouse when we moved back, his accident, and even the first few months of our engagement which were tainted by his recovery. We haven’t had too many enjoyable moments this year; it’s been a difficult one with a lot of lessons learned and a lot of touch patches it took all of our strength and teamwork to get through.

And that’s not me. I know everyone has rough years, but I don’t like to go through so many negative experiences in succession. As Jane Austen said of Elizabeth Bennet: “She had a lively, playful disposition that delighted in anything ridiculous”. And that’s me, in a nutshell. But I haven’t been that way this year… it’s been smothered by challenges that at times have nearly snuffed me out. And I’m determined to make 2013 different.

SO THIS IS WHAT I LEARNED FROM 2012: To enjoy my life, my family, and my fiancé, who come March 23^rd will be my husband. To not let the trials we’ll inevitably face this upcoming year affect my joy or ability to smile. To do more ridiculous things; to spend more time looking up “faceplant fails” on YouTube when I’m having a bad day; to read more books that make me feel complete. To laugh with my best friends, my fiancé, my sister, my brothers, my mom. To embrace my natural goofiness and enjoy it rather than push it away because of something insignificant. To look forward to my wedding day rather than stress about it, and realize that a day where I get to wear an elegant, gorgeous, flattering, sexy dress of my dreams and party with the people I love most is a wonderful thing.

And I’ve learned to spend as much time as possible outside in the rain, sun, or snow and enjoy nature because it feeds my soul. And to listen to music that does the same. And to run, and hike, and climb, and explore the world around me because I’m a naturally physical, optimistic, adventurous person and sitting at home limits me from reaching my potential in every way imaginable.

But most of all, to laugh. Laugh through the good times, the bad times, the slow times. To let my happiness and laughter be our strength, and carry us smoothly through the speedbumps that lay ahead. To have my overabundance of joy and love and elation be our centre, and keep us grounded, and united. To trust my heart, and let it do the talking.

Bring it on 2013.

A little lesson from life’s imperfections.